Pretty vacant

Today I finally made it to Cox, Cookies and Cake after previously turning up on their "opening day" to find it full of builders after they didn't bother to announce it was no longer opening as expected.

I wish I hadn't bothered.

Manny and I trekked through Soho in the pissing rain, avoiding umbrellas and the wheely trollies of tourists to get there. When we arrived I was quite impressed with the look of the shop - neon sign outside (complete with flashing Cox..oh how risque), black glittery walls, black pretty much everything and a pink neon sign "designed"* by Tracey Emin saying "I keep haunting you".

Anyway to the cupcakes. I won't comment on the cookies as I didn't see any at all when we were there - just cupcakes. There were none of their advertised bars either - I had hoped to try a nanimo bar but there were none to be seen. Perhaps that was for the best.

The cakes all looked quite nice but there wasn't much on offer, about 3 of their classic cupcakes, with featuring the usual suspects like vanilla, lemon, chocolate and some of their specialities featuring the skulls, the marilyn and the bling. Which are basically the classics fancied up at nearly double the price.

I had intended to just buy one cake after hearing nothing but bad reviews on the cake but Manny couldn't resist a brown titty cake so we ended up buying two. I chose a black skull cupcake. Two cakes came to the grand total of £8. Yes you read that right, two normal sized cupcakes were just short of a tenner.

Were they worth it?

In a word, NO.

My skull cupcake is advertised as being.. triple Valrhona chocolate cake with goth black frosting and a dark chocolate jewelled skull. I am not exaggerating when I say there was not a hint of chocolate in either the cupcake base, or cupcake frosting. None. Nada. Zilch. If we want to get Scottish about it, f**k all. As well as being utterly flavourless, the base was as dry Gandhi's flip flop. Completely devoid of moisture. The frosting, again, tasted of absolutely nothing. Not a hint of chocolate. None. The only flavour was food colouring but I'd wager money that the frosting had never seen any Valrhona chocolate. In fact Valrhona should be suing for using their name under false pretences. I'm assuming the triple came from the chunk of something unidentified in the middle of the cake -which may have been chocolate - I gave up trying after the second tasteless bite. Life is too short to waste on a bad cupcake.

a right tit - what I felt after paying a fortune for an inedible cake!

Manny's boob had slightly more flavour, with the merest hint of chocolate but was still as dry as a nun's gusset. I've made chocolate cupcakes that retained their moisture for four days so god only knows when these were put together. (I refuse to say baked - baking involves love and care -something these cakes had not seen!)

I cannot believe I've waited this long to try the baking of Eric Lanlard and this is it? I also can't believe he allows his name to be used with such atrocities to baking. A dry, tasteless waste of money. I can compare it to only one other cupcake experience - trying chocolate cupcakes from Aldi - these tasted pretty much the same. If I'm honest the Aldi ones were probably slightly less dry, and cost about £1 for four. So yes I paid the most money ever for a cupcake and it was the worst I've had. Go figure.

This place is definitely a case of style over substance which is a pity as it looks quite cool, is something different from the usual cupcake cafe and the staff were really nice. One thing I did adore was the staff aprons - very S&M with leather and studs - and the girl who served us was chatty and friendly. If only the cakes were as pleasant as her.

My recommendation - avoid unless you want disappointment. If you're in Soho and want a cupcake Hummingbird is about 4 mins walk away and everything is fresh and full of flavour! Cox, Cookies and Cake join Buttercup in my cupcakeries to avoid.

*I'm possibly not the best person to comment on modern "art" but how much design goes into a neon sign? Surely its just choosing a font, a colour and a phrase that means naff all?

Worst cupcake of 2009*

I've been meaning to blog about this since a very disappointing visit to Treacle on Columbia Road on wet and wintery December evening but I think I kept putting it off as I was just v.p'd off about the whole thing.

The original reason we went to the late night shopping event on Columbia Road was to buy my Christmas present - a framed print "Eat Cake and Carry On" that I'd seen previously and liked. However the print was not to be - when we first asked how much they were no-one in the store knew the exact price but we were told "about £40-50". They had to, reluctantly, phone someone to check - they seemed reluctant to actually do any business to be quite honest. As they were shouting down the mobile to the faceless owner of Treacle, I was examining the print further and noticed how cheep and cheerful the frames were, like a painted £3 Ikea one, but I really liked the print and thought £50 wasn't too bad for something I liked, even if a big chunk at the bottom of the print was covered in the Treacle logo. £150 however was too much. The reluctant shop assistant got off her mobile and informed me one of the colours I liked was £150, one was £180 as it "has more glitter". Then she asked should she wrap it for me- I politely declined. I can order a pretty one for much less from Etsy thanks and not be taken for an utter numpty -seriously £30 more for a splash of glitter a 3 year old could apply, and £150 for a paper print (and huge advert for your shop!) in an Ikea frame - seriously? I'm planning making my own - 10 mins on the computer and a trip to the local craft store for glitter and some pretty paper, then Ikea for a frame and I'm set!

Anyways, we took the cupcakes we'd bought (2 chocolate - there was no choice, and very little in the way of stock - and they had no bags, just paper in pissing rain..joy) and headed off to Albion for dinner (highly recommended!). We didn't have a pudding at dinner as we had the cupcakes from Treacle and a some more from the Albion Bakery to have when we got in with a hot cup of tea. BIG mistake. We should've had a pud!

Firstly, the Albion cupcakes - they weren't great to be honest. They looked nothing like the picture of their cupcakes on the website. The base was quite nice but the "frosting" was just pure butter - which Manny loved as he's odd like that. I ate a bit and then threw the rest in the bin - or maybe at Manny's mouth - I can't remember!

Now for possibly the most rancid cupcake I've had in some time, if not ever. As soon as I opened the bag I could tell the Treacle cupcake was off - rotten in fact. Instead of being a brown chocolate colour it had a grey/green tinge to it, and it smelt BAD, like really off butter. I have added the best pic of a bad lot - sorry it was cold and to be honest I was too fuming to fanny about with the camera. In the interests of the blog I tried a bit of the base and a bit of the topping (I refuse to call rancid butter frosting sorry). The base was HARD, so hard I did an experiment - I dropped it from a great height to see if anything happened - it nearly broke my glass cupcake worksurface topper as it fell with a mighty rock like thud onto it! I have a video but I can't upload it - maybe I should youtube it. The topping tasted like off butter and the morsel I tried left a taste in my mouth that toothpaste and mouthwash couldn't remove.

I toyed with taking the cupcake to environmental health as I am pretty certain that cupcake had been sitting out since the Sunday (3 days previously) when the store was last open, if not longer. We've eaten my baked cupcakes 4 days after making and while not 100% fresh they are not rotten, nor are they so obviously off. But in the end I just didn't have time to go through the process of finding where to complain to, due to work issues, but now I kinda regret chucking them in the bin as if someone had eaten those cakes I'm pretty sure they'd have regretted it, and people shouldn't be allowed to get away with such blatant flouting of health and safety when it comes to food.

I have previously enjoyed Treacle cupcakes but the last time I went they were a bit hard and totally flavourless but never have I had a cupcake so disgustingly inedible. Consider my recommendation revoked.

*I'm hoping this will be the worst cupcake I ever try and cupcakes only continue to be yummy from now!

That's how the cupcake crumbles...

A cupcake really shouldn't crumble...should it??

This was unfortunately the scenario that faced us yesterday at the much anticipated (by me) Cupcake Emporium near Hyde Park. I'd first read about it a couple of weeks ago via my usual cupcake Google search (I often sit and go through the first 50 or so pages of searches via Google...see I work hard for this blog!).

About themselves Cupcake Emporium had this to say...

We take pride in using all natural ingredients where we can an also trying to make these devilish desserts as low in calories as we can but still maintaining the amazing taste.

The recipes we use have been handed down through generations and accumulated through years of baking

When you visit us you will not only be amazed by the range of cupcakes and coffees we offer but also the surroundings, we are nestled in a quiet street just off Hyde Park where you can sit and enjoy people watching or just relaxing in a lovely atmosphere.

About it myself and Manny mainly had to say "Why does our cupcake have the texture of an overbaked cookie".

Yep I think these could possibly take the prize for the oddest cupcake we've tasted.

When they first arrived they were a bit disappointing to look at but I knew they weren't going to be all swirly from the pictures on their website (please note their is a pic of a swirly frosted cupcake on their site..NONE of their cupcakes look like this, they're all flatly frosted), however nothing had prepared me for the disappointing first taste. Actually it came before the first taste - when I tried to put my spoon into the cake and it kinda bounced back...it was HARD....I persevered (in the name of cupcake research) and bejesus it took some effort to get through it...and then it tasted of overcooked cookie as previously mentioned. It was v.v.v.v.v.odd - I thought it was just mine, so I waited for Manny to wrestle his way into this double chocolate sin cupcake and alas it was the same story...hard, cookie-like and not much taste. My vanilla sundae was completely flavourless, no taste of vanilla, nothing. I honestly have never tasted a cake like it - it wasn't stale, it was just not a cake - it really was a cookie!

It's a real shame as the people who run the place seemed really sweet and the cafe is quite adorable with its 50s diner decor, however I really cannot agree with the comments on their Trusted Places site which claims they are the best cupcakes in London. Maybe we got them on an off day - please get in touch if you've tried them and loved them as I'd love to hear...I however wont be paying 2.75 a go to try another one anytime soon. Thankfully the trip wasn't a total disaster - we found a lovely pub, The Mitre, which served Erdinger, real ale and what looked and smelt like rather fab food!

Sorry some of the reviews may seem a bit negative lately but I aim to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth on my blog!

Yukky cupcakes

I was off work on Wednesday and decided to toddle down to Kensington for a browse around the shops including Wholefoods which I ADORE!! After a quick coffee I thought I'd check the patisserie section and was chuffed to see they'd some cupcakes, or "fancy cupcakes" as they decided to call them (I suppose "disgusting and tasting of oil" wouldn't be a strong selling point!!). So I happily chose 2 - one greeny/blue one and a pink pig for Manny and went for a stomp round Hyde Park/Marylebone High Street to wear off a tonne of calories in anticipation of my, wrongly assumed, scrummy treat later! I was heartbroken when I dropped them in Primark (a.k.a hell on Oxford St) as I paid for my lovely pink spotty vest, but thought they'd still taste nice if look a bit scruffy! By the time I got them home they'd melted into a mass of yuk and it looked like a cupcake massacre inside the box - nevermind, I thought, a smoooooshed cupcake is still a cupcake - how WRONG I was!

After taking the above pics, I decided to just try some of the "frosting" as it didn't look quite right - and oh.my.god thank goodness I didn't take a big mouthful as it was UTTERLY gross! It tasted like how I'd imagine unflavoured shaving foam would taste, i.e. AWFUL. I tried a bit of the cake bit and it was just yuk too - no taste, hard and just unpleasantly textured. It was so disgusting I had to throw it in the bin - something I've thankfully never had to do with another cupcake! Only then did I look at the box (my greed got the better off me before I ate it!) and realise that the 2nd ingredient listed is Canola Oil..eugh, eugh, eugh.

And what makes it even worse - my favourite cupcake shop was just round the corner and I could've had Buttercup cupcakes instead :(

Unless you WANT to eat something that tastes like drinking oil then do NOT buy Wholefoods Markets cupcakes! You've been warned!